dear dave,
sorry i was awkward on the A train today when you said i had a cute hat. i know you were trying to make conversation and i kept trying to memorize my shakespeare. really, in these situations, i’m oh so horrible. because you said hi, i started blushing, and then i didn’t say much. except that it was creepy that you were majoring in ‘persuasional technology’ and that it made me think of the matrix. you said you just wanted to save the world (captain planet), and that’s cool. anyhow, sorry i couldn’t have a normal conversation with you and started rambling and being all ‘baladflakjghfdskl’-y. i tripped on the way out. hope your life is lovely and the universe delivers this to you.
sincerely,
jessika, the non-nyu-going actress with the squirrel hat
also,
dear man in drama bookshop,
i know you meant well when you told me your story about finding your girlfriend on the internet. however, i did find it quite disgusting when you told me that story about what she told you after two weeks, you know, that story involving the 5-letter-p-word. uh huh. you don’t just offer that information up to strangers. future reference. k thanks.
reservedly,
defenseless listener
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